New Chapter

Upon reading my pasts posts, and feeling how I've been feeling since I ceased blogging, I find myself ready to chronicle my next leg of life. It's really interesting to go back and view your thoughts and things you don't even remember thinking or feeling. Retrospection can be a wonderful thing. Never forget where you came from. Definitely look where you're going, which for me, is Florida. I have much to say but for tonight, this is just a greeting.

Hello :)

2 more days.

Tired. So...tired...

Two more days until we open this restaurant. Two months without a single day off. I can't wait until everything is running smoothly and I can get some rest!

We Shall See...

I would like to try to keep up with my blog and stick with it...looking back at old posts is a great wary to time travel. I'd like to maintain that ability.

Avee and Keeks say hi!

The Golden Rule

"One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself."

My question is: For how long should one practice this rule? If I'm constantly considering a persons feelings, wants and needs, yet never reciprocated, when is it okay to say "fuck this" and treat them as they treat me?

Inevitably things will just play out that way. I feel it would be an impossible feat to constantly treat people the way you'd like to be treated if you're not receiving the same in return.

Behavior is catching. Energy is catching. The negative sort is far more contagious.

I've reached my fuck this.

I'm only happy when it rains...

Not really.

I hate feeling down. I'm a "happy peppy" person. To feel misery is, well, miserable. And, for the record, I prefer sunshine. For these reasons, FUCK I DON'T WANT TO BE PREGNANT ANYMORE!!!

I'm always so sure of my thoughts and actions, but right now I'm not sure of anything.

I have no idea if my relationship is seemingly failing because we are actually terrible at communicating with one another, or if I'm just a hormonal dramatic wreck. I'm really leaning toward the 'actually terrible at communicating' thing. Probably due to lack of reassurance from the "better half." Who would definitely read that last sentence and say "Oh so this is MY fault." Blah. If it weren't for the belly, you wouldn't be able to figure out which one of us is the pregnant one.

Sometimes I really get to thinking: Damn! I should have stuck to my no-kids, no-man life where I danced around on a pole making money carefree and drama free. Strangers are far more interested, understanding and concerned than the people who should be.

Sad fact. These men at those clubs...paying me for a conversation when their wife is home sulking about the lack of communication she has with that same man. That whole "our sex life isn't the same" spiel. But you don't look at her like you look at the scantily clad females in the venue.

I used to be the emotional replacement. Now I'm the wifey, alone in bed wishing I were being touched while he finds reason not to come to bed and gets his release from image and video. Is that some sort of twisted karma? I mean, that's pretty fucked. I'm already gaining weight, feeling hideously huge and oh-so-un-sexy. These actions only confirm the feelings.

I don't condone infidelity in any way, shape or form, but as of late I understand. I HATE that I understand. But I do. I know exactly what it means when someone says they needed affection and conversation and how good it feels that someone is willing to give it to them. I really wish I weren't in a circumstance to understand.

And oh, to be a man. To say "I'm a man, men have needs." To expect to be excused because "I wasn't getting any." Well then I expect to be excused anytime I'm the slightest bit out of line, bitching, whining, crying and having emotional breakdowns. Because apparently gender can be an excuse for your actions. But, lets get real, we all know that would simply compel you to call me an unstable bitch. Yay double standards.

Will it be different after pregnancy? Why should it even be acceptable that it's different during pregancy?

It shouldn't.

Oh what a cold-hearted crazy bitch I am.

I've been labeled, by far too many, a cold-hearted crazy bitch based on one single circumstance in my life, as opposed to the millions of other happenings which have occurred in my 26 years. I'm left to wonder if this is one of those "society" issues. Am I horrible for not blubbering like an idiot at my own husbands funeral?
 

I don't know why people think, or expect, everyone will feel the exact same way in the circumstance of death.

The short answer is no.
And now, the long.


I can't feel sorry that the death of my husband signified, for me, the end of the worst year of my life and a less-than-desirable life prior. That the immediate feeling was that of relief. Rest. Calm. Peace. How can anyone be labeled for feelings? They occur beyond our control. What is constantly overlooked is the fact that feelings must stem from somewhere. 

Call me crazy, but multiple court visits and restraining orders paired with death threats towards myself, our children, my mother and other fun promises such as "I will tie you up in the basement and rape you if it's the only way I can be with you." don't exactly lead to a feeling of God noooo why?! Come back to me!!! Being the cause of my first-ever gun pointed at my face...also not helping.

Tons of  "fun" memories, like the emotional degradation of every single potentially-positive career move being ruined by the implication that I advance in life, never based on talent and ability, but simply because, apparently, anyone who likes my work is simply trying to fuck me. "You only made that song into rotation because they want to fuck you," "He only wants to collaborate with you to get in your pants." Let us not forget, I'm still expected to spit out a Good job, baby! for him when he advances. Far more often then not, I'm quietly behind the advance.

C.E.O. Boss. Leader. Pick a synonym. Always expected to "know your place." Yes, I may have slaved away for 16 hours straight on a music video, but damn it if he's not going to write Produced and Directed by KAGE on the credits. Yes, I may have established certain connections to get us shows opening for Wu-Tang among other locally known acts, but damn if he wouldn't boast about his wonderful ability to network.

What utterly mind-fucks the shit out of me, is the expectation to immortalize and glorify someone with infidelities toward you. I guess I'm a bitch for not being comfortable attending annual events where I get to chat-it-up with just one of the females he took his ring off for. Or having no desire to attend such an event where I amchastised for running late one of 3 days of funeral services because I was busy trying to put the final touches on, render and burn his commemorative video which everyone loved so much...ridiculous.Horrible me. Ha.


I suppose the crazy title may stem from calling bullshit when he plead to a judge that "...she held me down and stomped my head in." Yup, I'm crazy. Not the 6 foot tall 245 pound man who claims his 5foot 4 inch 110 pound wife is somehow more powerful than him. My bruises, with photo, are imaginary and his imaginary-bruises are real. What a load of fuckery.

The thing that is really, REALLY sad in all of this: the people who are holding his memory so dear are the ones he hated the most.

That guy who got a commemorative tattoo? I won't tell him that the person he pays tribute to spoke regularly about how much of a pathetic, useless, piece of shit he was if he didn't give him money to fund his own dream. I believe "Pussy-bitch" was his behind-the-back name. That girl who has his sticker on her car? I won't tell her how much he spoke of her making him sick to his stomach and that she was lucky she always had weed or he wouldn't keep her around. Her behind-the-back name was "Rich bitch."  I could absolutely create a list of insanely terrible things said about everyone he was "close" to; "Fat Bitch," "Dumb Bitch," "Nasty Whore," "Fat Fuck," "Clown," "Fucking Loser." Those are just a few of his friends. The worst is of his own flesh and blood. I once wrote him a very detailed letter spelling out the reasons he should stop speaking so negatively of the ones that will actually reach out and help him when he doesn't even deserve it, but I couldn't give it to him because during my attempt to ease into handing it over I got scared. I wasn't trying to have on of those pushed into a balled-up trembling and crying wreck type of nights. Not that night. I used to tell him "You're the one who's supposed to protect me from people, not the one I need protection from."

Sitting next to someone for years-on-end listening to the phony conversations, then to the real thoughts after the phone call is over, doesn't make it easy to see them as likable. It's sick

One of the sickest things about this man, was that he had a list; an actual, factual, physical list of the names of all the people which he intended to murder prior to his death. In his last 2 weeks of life he spoke on his disappointment that he didn't think he had enough time to carry the list out.

Oh, and if you haven't gathered, he knew he was dying. He didn't want to share with anyone, particularly his family, that he had a limited time left because he said he didn't want them to act "all weird and different." Fair enough. Some people may not have known outright, but they knew something was different. A lot of comments about the fact that he was being nice to them; and such events struck them as strange. A few people noticed it was strange how, the day before his death, he decided to take a family trip to Historic DC. His own 'bestie' commented on recalling the thought of it being strange, because "KAGE doesn't do that sort of stuff." Yeah, I know

If you know your time is running out and your primary thought is Oh no! I need more time to murder all of these people! You're fucking twisted. Some of these people have bought tickets to his annual Bull Roast, some just rubbed him the wrong way, some pissed him off more than a decade ago.

I would go into any amount of gruesome detail for those who really wanted to know. But ignorance is simple and most seem happy making simple assumptions and pointing ignorant fingers.

In the end, I still, with the help of my mother, lifted him from the place he had fallen, scraped the vomit from his mouth, held down his convulsing body and breathed my own breath into his lungs. Together, we resuscitated him after every bout of tachycardia for nearly half an hour straight while waiting for paramedics. I remained completely composed so that I could fill the EMT's in on his condition (Idiopathic Hypertrophic Sub-aortic Stenosis) accompanied by a Mitral-valve prolapse and proceed to break it down so they knew what it meant for his heart.

Never once did either of us complain of the physical pain and strain we had put on our bodies to make such attempts. Never thinking he had just told us a week prior he had a loaded gun and was headed over to put a bullet straight in our foreheads. Never thinking, 5 months prior, he threatened to take the life of myself and my children, her child and grandchildren, by setting our home on fire and hoping we burn to death.

Oh what a cold-hearted crazy bitch I am.

Is my old record label cursed?? Cuz...

1....winter 2008, a Break-In Records artist, "B", left the studio with a handful of beats to begin on his new LP, Pain Killa, a collaboration with another artist from the label, "P". We never knew this was the last time we would see him, as he was gunned down a short while later.

2 February 2009, my baby sister, whom danced with me for Break-In Records live preformances, told me over the phone that her 3rd trimester of pregnancy made her feel like she couldn't breath and stated "I feel like I'm going to die." I reassured her that all of us women feel that way when we're pregnant. The next thing I heard about my baby sis was that she died of respiratory failure.
3 My unborn nephew couldn't be saved.

4 Fall 2009, a Break-In artist, "M", welcomed a joy into the family. He was named after the late "B". "Baby B" was taken by SIDS that fall.

5 December 2009, my husband, Break-In Records CEO,"K", passed away suddenly from a heart ailment. The label was completely shut down the same month.

Most of the artists and employees went their separate ways, tho many of us keep in touch one way or another. 2010 was our year of much needed recuperation. 

6 Just a few short hours ago, I received the tragic news that a former artist "P" (who was to collab with "B" on the Pain Killa project) lost his brand new baby girl on Thursday.

Maybe I'm trippin, but everything I have that says Break-In on it will be out of my house by the end of the day.

It's too much.

MulaticMode: For all your graphics needs...

CONTACT

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Does this dress make my ass look big?

No, your ass makes your ass look big.

Rest assured, you will probably hear something more like "Nope, you look good!"

It seems most people would rather tell a little white lie then say anything unflattering.

I want to ask why, but everyone being so different, with varying morals and mindsets, there are probably infinite reasons.

Exaggerating, omitting necessary facts, or brand new phony scenarios; its all lies.

I think what disturbs me is how readily people lie. I particularly hate when people lie to spare feelings. I mean, I understand the notion, but I still dont get it.

Nobody could ever be blackmailed if it weren't for lying...

Nobody could be devastated by news they should have had years prior...

People wouldnt be whirrled into debt after bring trapped by unclear fine print...

People wouldn't spend years wondering if theyre being cheated on, if they have a brother or sister out there, if they are or are not the father ...tons of shit.

Ok thats it.

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What are the f%&king odds??

I was asked today if I thought monogamy was a natural instinct. I think its hard to say. For some people, it is absolutely in their nature to ...divide and conquer. For others, I think the opposite. Some species pair up for life and some fornicate freely. Men do have a longer reproductive life than us women tho. So it really isn't surprising if a man starts acting out later in marriage and then runs off with a younger, more fertile woman. But we all act surprised. But that cant be the only culprit. I mean, women cheat too...

Where to start? Ah:

Fantasy

noun

♦ the faculty or activity of imagining things , especially things that are impossible or improbable.

Improbable seems to be the more likely fit.


I would think that one of the more exciting things about a fantasy is that slight possibility that you may one day turn it into a reality.  The chase. Everyone loves a good chase.

“It's the thrill of the chase - the research, the excitement of finding the next thing, the better object. Often, the hunt matters more than the object itself."

 

Makes sense. We bore easily. 

While the odds suggest that men are somewhat more likely to cheat than women, a small study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology (PDF) in May 2009 suggests that women might be more likely than men to commit another relationship indiscretion—mate poaching. In fact, single women might be the likeliest to pursue mates who are already in relationships.

More proof us humans like to play games.

 AS A MATTER OF FACT
 When you really start breaking down the statistics...it doesnt look so good.

• 22 percent of married men have strayed at least once during their married lives.
• 14 percent of married women have had affairs at least once during their married lives.
• Younger people are more likely candidates; in fact, younger women are as likely as younger men to be unfaithful.
• 22 percent of men and 14 percent of women admitted to having sexual relations outside their marriage sometime in their past.
• 90 percent of Americans believe adultery is morally wrong.
• 50 percent of Americans say President Clinton's adultery makes his moral standard "about the same as the average married man,'' according to a Time-CNN poll.
• 61 percent of Americans thought adultery should not be a crime in the United states; 35 percent thought it should; 4 percent had no opinion.
• 17 percent of divorces in the United States are caused by infidelity.

 Doesnt matter, most of us will continue to walk around hoping it never happens and remain shocked and awed and possibly fly into a murderous rage when it happens. 

I guess animals just dont have too much-self control...

Facts and stats aside, what does everyone else think? 

I love this

Someone posted this shit on FB and I had to share:

Soooo hot. Want to touch the hiney.

This week I think its finally okay to say Summer is here! But who knows...the Universe has been fucking with us pretty hard for the past month or so. Its always unpredictable but...still, you know our species, we don't like anything that makes us feel out of control. #Bossy

That reminds me, my sis was telling me the other day how Cats speak to humans in the same voice they use when speaking to Kittens. I thought about it; wondered why. I quickly realized it's not strictly a Cat thing. I definitely put my "baby voice" on when talking to other species even  in their adult years, but only use that voice for a child of my own species. It seems all animals do this. Maybe we all have superiority complexes.

Anyway.

I wish the pools would open!

...this is what I look like when I blog.

Hmm, I need to make the bed.

Its weird how one can be so bored with so many things to do. I need anti-stubborn pills. Name me 50 activities and if none of them make my eyes light up, Im not interested. Cook me 100 meals and if none of them make my mouth water, Ill eat later. 

I wanna play football. Damn everyone and their day jobs.

Ah well, at least I get to work on someones car later. I always enjoy that! Im not sure why, but being under a hood, getting oil and grease all over me....its so satisfying.  Maybe I should have been a mechanic. Nah, thats definitely something I need to do on hobby status. 

I could never abandon Art.

Speaking of mechanics. I took my car to the shop the other day; I needed new wires for my shifter. I picked the car up the next day and my Coolant light was on. I lifted the hood to find that my hose had magically disappeared. When I went back to the shop I asked the guy if they for some reason worked through the top of the hood. "No, we went through the bottom" he told me. So then I had to ask "Oh, well how do you suppose you might have knocked a hose completely off up top?" With fake concern and suspect behavior he then suggests "Well lets go check it out!" So I popped the hood and he takes a peek. "Hmm, are you sure? This is just your return" At this point Im thinking either he knows nothing about cars, or thinks Im am idiot. I tell him "Nooooo, THIS is my return..." pointing at the correct hose. "...and THIS is where the other hose should be." He then begins to check out the radiator to see if the hose may be attached on that end, so I tell him " I drive a stick, so it definitely doesnt hook up there, it goes directly into the tranny..." He looks at me and says "Yeah, let me see if I can come up with that hose for you..." At this point he begins to insist I go inside to wait. "Nah," I sad "Im gonna stand right here and smoke." The mechanic then returns with Mr. Even-more-shady-mechanic, they both duck under the hood, and with the first mechanic attempting to block my view, (Im watching like a stalker,) Mr. Shady slips a hose out of his pocket and connects it to my transmission, then walks away. The other mechanic proceeds to shout "Hey! Here it is..." and holds the free end of the hose up. "...it was twisted backward, the clamp is spring loaded (no, its not) and must have popped off from all the pressure." I asked "14 psi would pop that off? hmmm." Not to mention, the dummies left the engine cover un-hooked in their attempt to be covert.

Assholes. Good try, but my tits arent big enough to render me dumb. I drove out of there with my hose, a new clamp and 4 liters of Coolant. (They were so ...nice... they even said they wouldnt charge me. "You can just get us next time." Ha!!)

Off I go.

420 TALK

((On the phone))

Me: I should really stop smoking weed. Im tired of the daily detox until I smoke again, my fingers and legs are literally tingling, my mouth waters like Im gonna puke....I get pissed off! This is what makes me go grab a Black and try to trick my body with physical act of just smoking something. Plus, I feel like I should be more healthy and I need to take care of my voice. IDK...

...

...

Her: So, you trynna smoke? 
Me:Yeah.




Chief On Read On!

Loud n Clear

I have encountered sign, after sign, after sign in the past 14 days that are telling me what to do, where to do it and who to do it with. Forceful, in your face, pushy signs, in conscious and subconscious; allll over the place.

I hear you.

I feel you.

Desperately Seeking Strangers.

There was this day in my life, I must have been about 12, when I needed someone. Ill never forget the day because it sparked my most reoccurring emotion. Maybe the feeling started that day...maybe it happened before but didnt make as much of an impact. Either way, I hated that day and I re-live the feeling all the time. I could never describe the feeling it gave (gives) me, but its the type of thing that makes me want to take a blade to my body to get it out faster. I can hear 3 doors shutting, I hear 3 "No"s and I feel completely alone during those times. It was then that I discovered strangers.

I've found that strangers show me more love than loved ones. What the fuck is that about? They listen when I talk. They ask me how I feel. They make me look for love in all the wrong places. Such the mind of one who grows up to be a stripper. Feeding on the attention. Replacing love with ANYTHING that makes you feel noticed.

I have parents, two Dads even, a Mom, too many siblings to count, a boyfriend...but I don't feel like I can get serious with any of them. I have my most serious conversations with absolute strangers. This is probably what drives me back to retail all the time. I mean, they listen; wide eyed, attentive. They gasp! They react. They ask questions. They....care?

I severely need someone around me who can keep me from talking to a text box when I need to vent. Well, shit, then I probably wouldn't have these feelings to unload from my chest.

Its the little things. If someone were to ask "how was your day?" I'd probably break down and cry because my heart wouldn't understand the feeling. Being told you are loved is nowhere near the same as feeling loved. When I care about someone I'm so genuinely interested in their lives, feelings, emotions, likes, dislikes. I want to know what interests them. I want to know how they feel. I care. Maybe I just can't expect the same out of others. Can you care too much?

I dunno.

I'm just tired of desperately seeking strangers.

Taboo? Whatever that means...

...so! I was feelin really horny last night and my mind began to wander. Not that its anything new, my mind is constantly wandering...wondering? Yeah, both. I switch topics mid-convo quite regularly and eventually, if at all, I get back to whatever it is I started with. Damn, I think I'm doing it now.

Oh, right, so, I was feelin in the mood and started to think about what horny is to everyone else in the world. It's hard to get a conversation going on the topic because people get all red-faced and silent. Why though?? I mean, every animal is guaranteed to do three things in life; We're born, we fuck and we die. Funny how 2 of those 3 guarantees are "touchy" subjects. Don't talk about death, someone might have lost someone. No shit. Don't talk about sex, that's private. Not really. The fact is, those are two of the most interesting things in the world to me.

Back to my thought, I was paying real close attention to what being aroused actually is to me, but then I began to question if it was the same for everyone. I mean, I know to some extent. Male or female, the blood rushes to our genitalia; hard cock, throbbing clit. Okay. But how does it feel to you? What mental effects arise in different people? For me, I get specific imagery flashing in my head. Typically the same style of images. From the moment I'm aware of my arousal, I see these images and, soon after, I swear I can feel what I'm seeing, which in effect gets me more and more turned on by the minute until i feel like the next standard transmission that drives by is going to get attacked. Gotta love the mind for that.

Well, if our mind can recreate sound vibrations then surely our bodies can recreate our sense of touch right? Hands free masturbation. Nice.

I guess I wonder about individual mental and physical horny-ness (is that a word?) I figure, when turned on, some people might become very aware of their nipples, some their clits/dicks, bellybuttons, ears, thighs...we all have our own "spots." I dunno though, most of its speculation because its not really water-cooler talk. I really wish it was though. People are just too damn scared to speak on the topic.

When I get people to open up about sex, they typically skate around specifics. I find that often people think something they are into might be deemed weird, but if everyone talked about it, they would know its perfectly normal.

I know a lot of people that have participated in bestiality, tons of girls that are best friends with their shower-heads, video game controllers, certain cell phone apps, friends who love to be beaten, choked, raped (simulated,) belittled, some that enjoy being the dom...recently i made a friend who's boyfriend enjoys inviting randoms from online over to fuck her. I know so many things that people do and I really don't look at any of it as strange because I think pretty much everyone has done something "strange" or at least fantasizes about it.

Say someone decides to open up about sex. We'll call this person Joe. So Joe decides to tell his friends he loves it when his girlfriend sticks her finger in his ass during a blow job. Suddenly Joes friend...Bob...says "OMG dude! You're totally gay!" Now Joe feels stupid and thats probably the last time he lets anything out. Meanwhile Bob goes home that night and fucks a pocket pussy. I swear people do that shit. Judge a friend for gettin his nut off in his own way, then go home and do their own weird little sex rituals. I don't get it. People get their nut off in millions of ways. To each his own (obviously to each his own with consent if other people are involved.)

I swear tho, some people act like being okay with what other people are into means they like it too. It should be seen just like this: You like mustard? Oh, not me, I like ketchup. Oh, okay, cool.

Alas, it is not....whack sauce.

The Five One - Mandatory

At looooong last! The highly anticipated, much awaited, bout-to-be-your-favorite music video, Mandatory, by thefiveone! (At least thats how I feel about it.) Damn, the kinda stuff to make me break my 3 month Blogger hiatus.

I don't know what else to say about these guys that I haven't said a million times before, so without further ado...

Mandatory.


Leave a comment on thefiveone's youtube -> GO NOW!!

Family biz.

I have way less time to focus on the art side of things now that Ive been back selling shoes. Lately most of my free art time has been spent working on things for my sisters upcoming wedding in October of this year. I'm the Maid of Honor so I've been trying to do as much as I can for my sis...and it just so happens weddings involve a lot of invitations!

Side note, the Best Man (Brother of the Groom) informed me that his role originates from the Groom having to kidnap his bride-to-be and, considering it was a tough job, he would pick his Best Man to accompany and assist him in this task. Needless to say, he wasn't exactly thrilled to be expected to co-host the wedding shower....ahhh the good 'ol days.

Anyways, here's a few of the things that have been designed for the wedding thus far:

First we have the Save the Dates postcards...

(I think we decided, in the end, to do away with the cheetah print...but I was feeling to lazy to save another jpeg.)

Complete with a custom stamp.

Then there are the Bridal Shower invties:

 And some buttons for the wedding shower...

(We also had stickers made like this that went on the shower balloons.)

And currently I'm working on the actual invites.

Other than that, I havent had too much time for other clients, but heres a flyer I just finished up today.

Soo...yup, thats about it. Other than that its been shoes all the time. My closet is loving the job, my wallet...eh, not so much.

FIN.

Serious Blog Neglect

Work is getting in the way of my virtual social networking. WTF is that about?

At least I got another Blackberry. A big sigh of relief there.

Anyway, I'm still alive.

And still addicted to cyberspace since 1998...back in those days I was logging on via K-Mart Blue-light special dial-up. Seriously.

A pic? OK.

Who needs modesty when you have an open field and mud?

From a day out with my brother while taking shots for a photography project. Gotta love kids.

Wow, life, wow.

SO, whats it been...almost 2weeks since my last post? And COTDAMN! What a ride it has been. In that short lil span of time, my outlook on life has changed insanely so.

There was a lot of negative happening in succession. Actually, the negativity started in April of last year (on my birthday to be exact) and has been one huge continuation. I finally see a break, with that lil beam of light coming through. Ahhh. Sweet relief. Allow me to vaguely explain:

First, The Whackness:

What you're seeing is inside of my bathroom wall...my pretty pink bathroom wall, now adorned with a gaping hole. The pipe in the pic was spewing water everywhere, which was made evident by the water seeping from under the tile. After busting through the wall in a collective amateur effort to fix it, we did just that. The problem is, fixing this pipe resulted in a second pipe bursting under the house. Niagra Falls in the bitch. FML? Nah, small fries. Inconvenient, obnoxious, costly...alllladat, but somehow I don't care.

And now, The Mediocre:

I did something I have forever told myself I would never do under any circumstance. Apparently this is not a phrase to be spoken unless you've experienced every circumstance of life. Just goes to show change never stops...and I'm perfectly okay with that. While this was not a positive situation, the steps are for progress. How I handled this and react to it now tells me it was a proper decision.

Finally, The Glory:

I also found myself in another situation that, just a day prior, I vowed not to be in. Straight reneging. To say I'm "okay" with this one would be a huge understatement. I'm ecstatic for ignoring myself on this one. Honestly, I don't feel there was a choice. This is the light. I'm basking and it feels fuckin GOOD. Hmm, elusive, I know, but with some things I'd rather share the sentiment than the happenings.

What else?

Oh, I sat down and wrote lyrics last night...it's been a minute. I always love those moments when I look down and realize my hand has grabbed that pad and pen and the page is already half full. This was some much needed closure. A goodbye to the anger, hurt,  resentment and animosity. And here I thought I wasn't a dweller. Ha! Learn something new about yourself everyday.

Ooooh, just got the link for (MIXTAPE) GOTTI PRESENTS..."THE BMORE EXPERIENCE VOL.1"
The tape includes myself, Shadina, Paula Campbell, CR Da Show, Mark Milly, Cherri LaLa....and many more of Bmore finest :) ...just go download the shit!! Thanks to @cutthroatbaby for puttin it together!!

Life calls, DEUCES.

Set Ready, go.

My bro hit me off with a copy of the Gorillaz newest release, Plastic Beach. My overall thought: I'm lovin' it. I find myself going back to Superfast a lot. It's definitely catchy. I think what gets me the most, is the dramatic change between the verse and hook....I'm rockin, I'm rockin, head bobbin, then, boom! I'm chillin and smilin :) Good shit. I think I would have picked that track as the first single, but it was their second.

I know you like that shit.

Since I'm talking about the album, I'm listening to it as well. Melancholy Hill is playing right now...another favorite of mine. Actually, this is an album I could say many times over "ooh I like this track..."

Alright, you get it, so get it.

And while you're out there supporting the arts, take a moment to stop by Deuce Day World and pledge a little support of the monetary sort while thefiveone spreads their word on the road to SXSW. They'll be performing with Bomani Armah on Wednesday, March 17 at 12:00 AM at Opal Divine's Freehouse and again on Saturday, March 20 at 12:00 AM at Victory Grill. Anyway, buy the guys some lunch or something! I've said it before, there's nothing worse than a starving artist who's starving.

Speaking of...my tummys-a-rumblin. PEACE.

Hiiiiiya!

That is all.

Oldies but goodies...cliche, I know.

I'm just feelin like showin off a few works I've done in the past, and I'll tell you why I picked the ones I'm posting.

Soooo...here ya go:

This one's easy. I love this flyer cuz...well I'm on it (DUH) and it was for a 420 party. What's better than that?? It also holds memories: This was the first night I really really chilled with COMP (bangarang) and found out just how chill and genius that man is. The crew, my bro n his people, COMP n crew and some smuts followed up the night with an after party at my spot on Brewers Hill...I think every room in my house was christened by party goers that night. High times are great times.

I like this cover because it was one of the first I did for an artist outside of the label. TX said I made him look like an R&B singer, ha! A simple design where the pic does most the work is always nice.

Now, this one I actually think is sort of crappy...I just love it because that's my brother duct taped and tied up in the background. During that album shoot we ordered pizza and the delivery guy walked in to see him and the girl tied up, an "AK" (it was a BB gun) on the table next to more rope and tape, a bag of coke, a few bags of weed, and a room full of our artists...amongst other suspect things. That mother fucker backed out of the house with the most terrified look on his face. I really thought he was gonna piss himself then call the cops.

This flyer was sort of experimental. I had to do 2 versions because originally Boss wasn't on the bill. This was just a fun ass night. Accordingly, I fell this night...I do not recall. All I know is once I was off stage and upstairs, the drinks just kept being put in my hand. The jukebox in VIP didn't have any hip-hop in it, but we still got it in on top of the pool table to some country music. (We were dancing, you pervs.)

Now, this album cover I LOVE. This one really appeals to me when I look at it. There's also a bit of a personal preference considering the production I put into the album itself. This is also KAGE's last release so it holds a lot of meaning. (R.I.P. KAGE)

This flyer was a pain in my ASS!!! Of course, tha t's the reason why it made the list. Every one of the beads of water were done individually. Ay ay ay. I'm also a fan of the pumpkin carvings. *Mad Props To Me* LMAO!!I also went to this event. I spent most of my time on the second floor drawing all over the marker wall and trying to get someone to go across the street and get a blunt.

Actually, I liked both sides of this flyer...so here's the back. Maybe I just like Halloween?? IDK, but Pumpkin Ravers rock. Haha!!

I just thought this one looked neat, and I'm a fan of the text at the bottom which reads: "Absolutely free. No annoying fine print...except this, but it's not annoying."

LOL, what is wrong with me??

K, PEACE!

Mulatto's do it better.

I can't figure out if my thighs hurt from my mid-day workout yesterday or the in-heels dancin last night. Either way, I feel the burn and, oh so masochistically, I love the pain.

While I am most definitely :( about missing my favorite COLORS ever (thefiveone) I had too good a night with my girl BLAQ. (follow her @BLAQfiveone)

We started the night by eating some of BLUE's cookies (which I coincidentally happen to be doing now) then after standing in line at Lotus for 2 minutes, decided it was too cold to wait so we went in and let all the other suckas continue to stand outside.

We discovered that we're twins.
Sexy ✔
Mixed Chick ✔
Aries ✔

I also discovered that Tequila and Vodka do mix.

I would now like to take a moment to quote some of last nights Tweets...*ahem*....

BLAQfiveone: I knocked her lights out and she still shine I LOVE MY TWIN @MULATICfiveone

RT @MULATICfiveone: Oih my gaaawd that was some sexy shit @BLAQfiveone we scandalous.«~ OH YEAH!!! I LOVED IT THO!!! MWAH!! 

RT @MULATICfiveone: Oh shiit. Where @BLAQfiveone??? I got lost in my freakness.«~ IM IN THE DJ BOOTH WITH @AntonAlexander BRB
RT @BLAQfiveone: OMG me and @MULATICfiveone are mixed girl wasted!!!!!!!!!!!
RT @BLAQfiveone: Me @AntonAlexander and @MULATICfiveone just had a moment it was sexy & that's all I have to say about that«YUM. #ThatIsAll

Ok, that's all you get. I'll sign off by leaving you with a couple pics.

 
V!!!

Picture Whore

My mother always hates it how I have to pose or booty pop in every mirror I pass. She doesn't understand that I do, in fact, have insecurities like every other human in the world. I just so happen to channel my insecurities into things that make me look confident...shiiit, makes sense to me!

I take a lot of pictures; probably for the same reason...and most of the pictures just sit on my computer being shown to no one, so out of my boredom (and aide to my procrastination of life) I've decided to share some of what I do in my bedroom:

Theres the pics that look like I took them for someone (*ahem*):

The pics I took while on GanjaSmoke and FYI...It's a one-hitter, people:

The late night pics:

And pics from the Blue-room (I love this folder...anyways, here's a peek):

Tis All. Deuces = V, so V!

On my ridiculosity.

How many times can I post some shit about how I haven't been posting enough...I guess only time will tell lol.

Living back in Anne Arundel County is crazy. I keep running into people I haven't seen in 5, 6....even 8 years and it seems like all good things are coming of these run-ins.

To name a couple: I ran into someone from senior year of high school at the mall...didn't recognize him (because I'm horrible at that remembering people thing - dont worry, it came back to me) and then about a week later ran into him again at some random bar I had never been to before. Now we've hung out a few times and it's been fun everytime. (He joins my solo dance party...thats my kind of friend)

Then the other day I ran into and old friend/boss. I happened to be job hunting, and she happens to need a manager at two of her stores...nice!

I also met some new people this week. I'm still on the fence of how to take it all in....I think I'm joining them in pyramid scheming ppl. Bwahahaha. Mo money mo money mo money.

Since this started out as a school blog, I used to keep it clean, but now that class is over...welcome to my world.

Hit em wit a drawing, Mulatic. Don't mind if I do.

Deuces.

Ketchup.

Another round of catch-up. If you decide to do a blog, you don't have to do it regularly, right?

What's new:

 I headed to the 757 last Friday for my sister Shawnas' wedding.Somewhere between getting gas in Richmond and arriving in Suffolk, I lost my bankcard. The closest bank was in....Richmond...yaaaay. I'm glad Western Union exists.

Later that night, me and the other girls in the bridal party had a sober Bacelorette party at iHOP in Norfolk...it was hilarious and cops got involved...not even muhfucken drunk...and the cops got involved! (I don't think they appreciated my refusal to believe they were are in the right just because they smell like bacon.) Anyway, the wedding was beautiful, even tho my almost sister (the Maid-of-Honor) left my new Bro-in-laws ring in the limo. Eh, shit happens, it was good for a giggle.

Did some chillin/smokin/drinkin that night and most of the next day until the Superbowl. We (me, Shawanas, her hubby, LJ, his friend and all of our kids) watched the game in my hotel room. The room was divided, but the Saints took it, which left much shit talking to be heard from the girl' mouths (WOO!)

 Oh, the night before I left to Va I got a chance to work on somenew drawings. (I still have to finish both) One is pretty much my favorite part of my daily routine and the other is a model who sat there lettin me sketch away (thanks!)

Anyways, I came back to MD Tuesday, right in time for round 2 of this winter bullshit that's been occurring. I shoveled too much, as everyone else did, I'm sure. My soreness is finally gone tho. It was worth it tho because my peoples came thru and we had a chill night! 

I don't think anything exciting has gone on since...more chillin w/my girl and a trip to Chuck E Cheese. 

<<< (Jamie & Marvin)

Oh, wait, I'm lying, thefiveone came out with a new webisode last week!! 

WATCH:

Tis all 4 now, Ciao!

A Black nail-polish day.

                                          (Unfinished Reflection)

When the mood is somber, but not Blue.

SPORADIC NEWS:

I had the most amazing dinner tonight...at Bob Evans; it was cinnamon creme pancakes? Something like that...IDFK but it was HUGE and delicious...and you're damn right I ate it all.

I have a sore throat.

My car is still dead because the jumper cables were forgotten.

Ooh I fixed my phone charger! Woo! (Pretty excited about that one)

Today my sister would have been celebrating her 24th birthday. I always thought it was so neat we were the same age for a little while, but not twins. RIP "baby" sis. (It will be a year since I've been missing you in just a few short days.) There are so many good things to say about Ceda, you can't help but be in good spirits when thinking of her.

Today is also the birthday of my favorite Krista! We celebrated this weekend by driving through the snow Saturday night to Fur nightclub in DC. Lots of Patron, a spray in the face to the asshole bartender, a walk through the mens bathroom to chill in the DJ booth and scream obscenity's on the live HOT 99.5 broadcast, and lots of amazing drunk girls for entertainment. Oh, and a ton of dancing. A ride in a cop car, followed by an impromptu check-in at way-too-expensive hotel, que more dancing and jumping on the bed....but no continental breakfast, and even less sleep (meaning none.) The suddenly realization that it was 8:15 in the morning meant stopping in Virginia to say goodbye to Krista and the lil trip back up to Baltimore. I then returned to my regularly scheduled life.

And now I'm hungry.

Uuuuuuhhhhhhmmmmmm.... PEACE.

Catchin it up

Lets see...what has happened since the last post??

Another picturtastic one...

I did some more decorating.

Made cookies with Tre Bay Bay.

Took a bath and thought the bubbles looked like a guitar.

Dropped the wee ones off.

Got ready to go out.

Celebrated my boy Brians last party as a civilian

More drivin...

Got the kiddos

Drove to Wal Mart

FIN.