I'm only happy when it rains...

Not really.

I hate feeling down. I'm a "happy peppy" person. To feel misery is, well, miserable. And, for the record, I prefer sunshine. For these reasons, FUCK I DON'T WANT TO BE PREGNANT ANYMORE!!!

I'm always so sure of my thoughts and actions, but right now I'm not sure of anything.

I have no idea if my relationship is seemingly failing because we are actually terrible at communicating with one another, or if I'm just a hormonal dramatic wreck. I'm really leaning toward the 'actually terrible at communicating' thing. Probably due to lack of reassurance from the "better half." Who would definitely read that last sentence and say "Oh so this is MY fault." Blah. If it weren't for the belly, you wouldn't be able to figure out which one of us is the pregnant one.

Sometimes I really get to thinking: Damn! I should have stuck to my no-kids, no-man life where I danced around on a pole making money carefree and drama free. Strangers are far more interested, understanding and concerned than the people who should be.

Sad fact. These men at those clubs...paying me for a conversation when their wife is home sulking about the lack of communication she has with that same man. That whole "our sex life isn't the same" spiel. But you don't look at her like you look at the scantily clad females in the venue.

I used to be the emotional replacement. Now I'm the wifey, alone in bed wishing I were being touched while he finds reason not to come to bed and gets his release from image and video. Is that some sort of twisted karma? I mean, that's pretty fucked. I'm already gaining weight, feeling hideously huge and oh-so-un-sexy. These actions only confirm the feelings.

I don't condone infidelity in any way, shape or form, but as of late I understand. I HATE that I understand. But I do. I know exactly what it means when someone says they needed affection and conversation and how good it feels that someone is willing to give it to them. I really wish I weren't in a circumstance to understand.

And oh, to be a man. To say "I'm a man, men have needs." To expect to be excused because "I wasn't getting any." Well then I expect to be excused anytime I'm the slightest bit out of line, bitching, whining, crying and having emotional breakdowns. Because apparently gender can be an excuse for your actions. But, lets get real, we all know that would simply compel you to call me an unstable bitch. Yay double standards.

Will it be different after pregnancy? Why should it even be acceptable that it's different during pregancy?

It shouldn't.