Desperately Seeking Strangers.

There was this day in my life, I must have been about 12, when I needed someone. Ill never forget the day because it sparked my most reoccurring emotion. Maybe the feeling started that day...maybe it happened before but didnt make as much of an impact. Either way, I hated that day and I re-live the feeling all the time. I could never describe the feeling it gave (gives) me, but its the type of thing that makes me want to take a blade to my body to get it out faster. I can hear 3 doors shutting, I hear 3 "No"s and I feel completely alone during those times. It was then that I discovered strangers.

I've found that strangers show me more love than loved ones. What the fuck is that about? They listen when I talk. They ask me how I feel. They make me look for love in all the wrong places. Such the mind of one who grows up to be a stripper. Feeding on the attention. Replacing love with ANYTHING that makes you feel noticed.

I have parents, two Dads even, a Mom, too many siblings to count, a boyfriend...but I don't feel like I can get serious with any of them. I have my most serious conversations with absolute strangers. This is probably what drives me back to retail all the time. I mean, they listen; wide eyed, attentive. They gasp! They react. They ask questions. They....care?

I severely need someone around me who can keep me from talking to a text box when I need to vent. Well, shit, then I probably wouldn't have these feelings to unload from my chest.

Its the little things. If someone were to ask "how was your day?" I'd probably break down and cry because my heart wouldn't understand the feeling. Being told you are loved is nowhere near the same as feeling loved. When I care about someone I'm so genuinely interested in their lives, feelings, emotions, likes, dislikes. I want to know what interests them. I want to know how they feel. I care. Maybe I just can't expect the same out of others. Can you care too much?

I dunno.

I'm just tired of desperately seeking strangers.

Taboo? Whatever that means...

...so! I was feelin really horny last night and my mind began to wander. Not that its anything new, my mind is constantly wandering...wondering? Yeah, both. I switch topics mid-convo quite regularly and eventually, if at all, I get back to whatever it is I started with. Damn, I think I'm doing it now.

Oh, right, so, I was feelin in the mood and started to think about what horny is to everyone else in the world. It's hard to get a conversation going on the topic because people get all red-faced and silent. Why though?? I mean, every animal is guaranteed to do three things in life; We're born, we fuck and we die. Funny how 2 of those 3 guarantees are "touchy" subjects. Don't talk about death, someone might have lost someone. No shit. Don't talk about sex, that's private. Not really. The fact is, those are two of the most interesting things in the world to me.

Back to my thought, I was paying real close attention to what being aroused actually is to me, but then I began to question if it was the same for everyone. I mean, I know to some extent. Male or female, the blood rushes to our genitalia; hard cock, throbbing clit. Okay. But how does it feel to you? What mental effects arise in different people? For me, I get specific imagery flashing in my head. Typically the same style of images. From the moment I'm aware of my arousal, I see these images and, soon after, I swear I can feel what I'm seeing, which in effect gets me more and more turned on by the minute until i feel like the next standard transmission that drives by is going to get attacked. Gotta love the mind for that.

Well, if our mind can recreate sound vibrations then surely our bodies can recreate our sense of touch right? Hands free masturbation. Nice.

I guess I wonder about individual mental and physical horny-ness (is that a word?) I figure, when turned on, some people might become very aware of their nipples, some their clits/dicks, bellybuttons, ears, thighs...we all have our own "spots." I dunno though, most of its speculation because its not really water-cooler talk. I really wish it was though. People are just too damn scared to speak on the topic.

When I get people to open up about sex, they typically skate around specifics. I find that often people think something they are into might be deemed weird, but if everyone talked about it, they would know its perfectly normal.

I know a lot of people that have participated in bestiality, tons of girls that are best friends with their shower-heads, video game controllers, certain cell phone apps, friends who love to be beaten, choked, raped (simulated,) belittled, some that enjoy being the dom...recently i made a friend who's boyfriend enjoys inviting randoms from online over to fuck her. I know so many things that people do and I really don't look at any of it as strange because I think pretty much everyone has done something "strange" or at least fantasizes about it.

Say someone decides to open up about sex. We'll call this person Joe. So Joe decides to tell his friends he loves it when his girlfriend sticks her finger in his ass during a blow job. Suddenly Joes friend...Bob...says "OMG dude! You're totally gay!" Now Joe feels stupid and thats probably the last time he lets anything out. Meanwhile Bob goes home that night and fucks a pocket pussy. I swear people do that shit. Judge a friend for gettin his nut off in his own way, then go home and do their own weird little sex rituals. I don't get it. People get their nut off in millions of ways. To each his own (obviously to each his own with consent if other people are involved.)

I swear tho, some people act like being okay with what other people are into means they like it too. It should be seen just like this: You like mustard? Oh, not me, I like ketchup. Oh, okay, cool.

Alas, it is not....whack sauce.

The Five One - Mandatory

At looooong last! The highly anticipated, much awaited, bout-to-be-your-favorite music video, Mandatory, by thefiveone! (At least thats how I feel about it.) Damn, the kinda stuff to make me break my 3 month Blogger hiatus.

I don't know what else to say about these guys that I haven't said a million times before, so without further ado...

Mandatory.


Leave a comment on thefiveone's youtube -> GO NOW!!

Family biz.

I have way less time to focus on the art side of things now that Ive been back selling shoes. Lately most of my free art time has been spent working on things for my sisters upcoming wedding in October of this year. I'm the Maid of Honor so I've been trying to do as much as I can for my sis...and it just so happens weddings involve a lot of invitations!

Side note, the Best Man (Brother of the Groom) informed me that his role originates from the Groom having to kidnap his bride-to-be and, considering it was a tough job, he would pick his Best Man to accompany and assist him in this task. Needless to say, he wasn't exactly thrilled to be expected to co-host the wedding shower....ahhh the good 'ol days.

Anyways, here's a few of the things that have been designed for the wedding thus far:

First we have the Save the Dates postcards...

(I think we decided, in the end, to do away with the cheetah print...but I was feeling to lazy to save another jpeg.)

Complete with a custom stamp.

Then there are the Bridal Shower invties:

 And some buttons for the wedding shower...

(We also had stickers made like this that went on the shower balloons.)

And currently I'm working on the actual invites.

Other than that, I havent had too much time for other clients, but heres a flyer I just finished up today.

Soo...yup, thats about it. Other than that its been shoes all the time. My closet is loving the job, my wallet...eh, not so much.

FIN.

Serious Blog Neglect

Work is getting in the way of my virtual social networking. WTF is that about?

At least I got another Blackberry. A big sigh of relief there.

Anyway, I'm still alive.

And still addicted to cyberspace since 1998...back in those days I was logging on via K-Mart Blue-light special dial-up. Seriously.

A pic? OK.

Who needs modesty when you have an open field and mud?

From a day out with my brother while taking shots for a photography project. Gotta love kids.

Wow, life, wow.

SO, whats it been...almost 2weeks since my last post? And COTDAMN! What a ride it has been. In that short lil span of time, my outlook on life has changed insanely so.

There was a lot of negative happening in succession. Actually, the negativity started in April of last year (on my birthday to be exact) and has been one huge continuation. I finally see a break, with that lil beam of light coming through. Ahhh. Sweet relief. Allow me to vaguely explain:

First, The Whackness:

What you're seeing is inside of my bathroom wall...my pretty pink bathroom wall, now adorned with a gaping hole. The pipe in the pic was spewing water everywhere, which was made evident by the water seeping from under the tile. After busting through the wall in a collective amateur effort to fix it, we did just that. The problem is, fixing this pipe resulted in a second pipe bursting under the house. Niagra Falls in the bitch. FML? Nah, small fries. Inconvenient, obnoxious, costly...alllladat, but somehow I don't care.

And now, The Mediocre:

I did something I have forever told myself I would never do under any circumstance. Apparently this is not a phrase to be spoken unless you've experienced every circumstance of life. Just goes to show change never stops...and I'm perfectly okay with that. While this was not a positive situation, the steps are for progress. How I handled this and react to it now tells me it was a proper decision.

Finally, The Glory:

I also found myself in another situation that, just a day prior, I vowed not to be in. Straight reneging. To say I'm "okay" with this one would be a huge understatement. I'm ecstatic for ignoring myself on this one. Honestly, I don't feel there was a choice. This is the light. I'm basking and it feels fuckin GOOD. Hmm, elusive, I know, but with some things I'd rather share the sentiment than the happenings.

What else?

Oh, I sat down and wrote lyrics last night...it's been a minute. I always love those moments when I look down and realize my hand has grabbed that pad and pen and the page is already half full. This was some much needed closure. A goodbye to the anger, hurt,  resentment and animosity. And here I thought I wasn't a dweller. Ha! Learn something new about yourself everyday.

Ooooh, just got the link for (MIXTAPE) GOTTI PRESENTS..."THE BMORE EXPERIENCE VOL.1"
The tape includes myself, Shadina, Paula Campbell, CR Da Show, Mark Milly, Cherri LaLa....and many more of Bmore finest :) ...just go download the shit!! Thanks to @cutthroatbaby for puttin it together!!

Life calls, DEUCES.

Set Ready, go.

My bro hit me off with a copy of the Gorillaz newest release, Plastic Beach. My overall thought: I'm lovin' it. I find myself going back to Superfast a lot. It's definitely catchy. I think what gets me the most, is the dramatic change between the verse and hook....I'm rockin, I'm rockin, head bobbin, then, boom! I'm chillin and smilin :) Good shit. I think I would have picked that track as the first single, but it was their second.

I know you like that shit.

Since I'm talking about the album, I'm listening to it as well. Melancholy Hill is playing right now...another favorite of mine. Actually, this is an album I could say many times over "ooh I like this track..."

Alright, you get it, so get it.

And while you're out there supporting the arts, take a moment to stop by Deuce Day World and pledge a little support of the monetary sort while thefiveone spreads their word on the road to SXSW. They'll be performing with Bomani Armah on Wednesday, March 17 at 12:00 AM at Opal Divine's Freehouse and again on Saturday, March 20 at 12:00 AM at Victory Grill. Anyway, buy the guys some lunch or something! I've said it before, there's nothing worse than a starving artist who's starving.

Speaking of...my tummys-a-rumblin. PEACE.

Hiiiiiya!

That is all.

Oldies but goodies...cliche, I know.

I'm just feelin like showin off a few works I've done in the past, and I'll tell you why I picked the ones I'm posting.

Soooo...here ya go:

This one's easy. I love this flyer cuz...well I'm on it (DUH) and it was for a 420 party. What's better than that?? It also holds memories: This was the first night I really really chilled with COMP (bangarang) and found out just how chill and genius that man is. The crew, my bro n his people, COMP n crew and some smuts followed up the night with an after party at my spot on Brewers Hill...I think every room in my house was christened by party goers that night. High times are great times.

I like this cover because it was one of the first I did for an artist outside of the label. TX said I made him look like an R&B singer, ha! A simple design where the pic does most the work is always nice.

Now, this one I actually think is sort of crappy...I just love it because that's my brother duct taped and tied up in the background. During that album shoot we ordered pizza and the delivery guy walked in to see him and the girl tied up, an "AK" (it was a BB gun) on the table next to more rope and tape, a bag of coke, a few bags of weed, and a room full of our artists...amongst other suspect things. That mother fucker backed out of the house with the most terrified look on his face. I really thought he was gonna piss himself then call the cops.

This flyer was sort of experimental. I had to do 2 versions because originally Boss wasn't on the bill. This was just a fun ass night. Accordingly, I fell this night...I do not recall. All I know is once I was off stage and upstairs, the drinks just kept being put in my hand. The jukebox in VIP didn't have any hip-hop in it, but we still got it in on top of the pool table to some country music. (We were dancing, you pervs.)

Now, this album cover I LOVE. This one really appeals to me when I look at it. There's also a bit of a personal preference considering the production I put into the album itself. This is also KAGE's last release so it holds a lot of meaning. (R.I.P. KAGE)

This flyer was a pain in my ASS!!! Of course, tha t's the reason why it made the list. Every one of the beads of water were done individually. Ay ay ay. I'm also a fan of the pumpkin carvings. *Mad Props To Me* LMAO!!I also went to this event. I spent most of my time on the second floor drawing all over the marker wall and trying to get someone to go across the street and get a blunt.

Actually, I liked both sides of this flyer...so here's the back. Maybe I just like Halloween?? IDK, but Pumpkin Ravers rock. Haha!!

I just thought this one looked neat, and I'm a fan of the text at the bottom which reads: "Absolutely free. No annoying fine print...except this, but it's not annoying."

LOL, what is wrong with me??

K, PEACE!

Mulatto's do it better.

I can't figure out if my thighs hurt from my mid-day workout yesterday or the in-heels dancin last night. Either way, I feel the burn and, oh so masochistically, I love the pain.

While I am most definitely :( about missing my favorite COLORS ever (thefiveone) I had too good a night with my girl BLAQ. (follow her @BLAQfiveone)

We started the night by eating some of BLUE's cookies (which I coincidentally happen to be doing now) then after standing in line at Lotus for 2 minutes, decided it was too cold to wait so we went in and let all the other suckas continue to stand outside.

We discovered that we're twins.
Sexy ✔
Mixed Chick ✔
Aries ✔

I also discovered that Tequila and Vodka do mix.

I would now like to take a moment to quote some of last nights Tweets...*ahem*....

BLAQfiveone: I knocked her lights out and she still shine I LOVE MY TWIN @MULATICfiveone

RT @MULATICfiveone: Oih my gaaawd that was some sexy shit @BLAQfiveone we scandalous.«~ OH YEAH!!! I LOVED IT THO!!! MWAH!! 

RT @MULATICfiveone: Oh shiit. Where @BLAQfiveone??? I got lost in my freakness.«~ IM IN THE DJ BOOTH WITH @AntonAlexander BRB
RT @BLAQfiveone: OMG me and @MULATICfiveone are mixed girl wasted!!!!!!!!!!!
RT @BLAQfiveone: Me @AntonAlexander and @MULATICfiveone just had a moment it was sexy & that's all I have to say about that«YUM. #ThatIsAll

Ok, that's all you get. I'll sign off by leaving you with a couple pics.

 
V!!!

Picture Whore

My mother always hates it how I have to pose or booty pop in every mirror I pass. She doesn't understand that I do, in fact, have insecurities like every other human in the world. I just so happen to channel my insecurities into things that make me look confident...shiiit, makes sense to me!

I take a lot of pictures; probably for the same reason...and most of the pictures just sit on my computer being shown to no one, so out of my boredom (and aide to my procrastination of life) I've decided to share some of what I do in my bedroom:

Theres the pics that look like I took them for someone (*ahem*):

The pics I took while on GanjaSmoke and FYI...It's a one-hitter, people:

The late night pics:

And pics from the Blue-room (I love this folder...anyways, here's a peek):

Tis All. Deuces = V, so V!

On my ridiculosity.

How many times can I post some shit about how I haven't been posting enough...I guess only time will tell lol.

Living back in Anne Arundel County is crazy. I keep running into people I haven't seen in 5, 6....even 8 years and it seems like all good things are coming of these run-ins.

To name a couple: I ran into someone from senior year of high school at the mall...didn't recognize him (because I'm horrible at that remembering people thing - dont worry, it came back to me) and then about a week later ran into him again at some random bar I had never been to before. Now we've hung out a few times and it's been fun everytime. (He joins my solo dance party...thats my kind of friend)

Then the other day I ran into and old friend/boss. I happened to be job hunting, and she happens to need a manager at two of her stores...nice!

I also met some new people this week. I'm still on the fence of how to take it all in....I think I'm joining them in pyramid scheming ppl. Bwahahaha. Mo money mo money mo money.

Since this started out as a school blog, I used to keep it clean, but now that class is over...welcome to my world.

Hit em wit a drawing, Mulatic. Don't mind if I do.

Deuces.

Ketchup.

Another round of catch-up. If you decide to do a blog, you don't have to do it regularly, right?

What's new:

 I headed to the 757 last Friday for my sister Shawnas' wedding.Somewhere between getting gas in Richmond and arriving in Suffolk, I lost my bankcard. The closest bank was in....Richmond...yaaaay. I'm glad Western Union exists.

Later that night, me and the other girls in the bridal party had a sober Bacelorette party at iHOP in Norfolk...it was hilarious and cops got involved...not even muhfucken drunk...and the cops got involved! (I don't think they appreciated my refusal to believe they were are in the right just because they smell like bacon.) Anyway, the wedding was beautiful, even tho my almost sister (the Maid-of-Honor) left my new Bro-in-laws ring in the limo. Eh, shit happens, it was good for a giggle.

Did some chillin/smokin/drinkin that night and most of the next day until the Superbowl. We (me, Shawanas, her hubby, LJ, his friend and all of our kids) watched the game in my hotel room. The room was divided, but the Saints took it, which left much shit talking to be heard from the girl' mouths (WOO!)

 Oh, the night before I left to Va I got a chance to work on somenew drawings. (I still have to finish both) One is pretty much my favorite part of my daily routine and the other is a model who sat there lettin me sketch away (thanks!)

Anyways, I came back to MD Tuesday, right in time for round 2 of this winter bullshit that's been occurring. I shoveled too much, as everyone else did, I'm sure. My soreness is finally gone tho. It was worth it tho because my peoples came thru and we had a chill night! 

I don't think anything exciting has gone on since...more chillin w/my girl and a trip to Chuck E Cheese. 

<<< (Jamie & Marvin)

Oh, wait, I'm lying, thefiveone came out with a new webisode last week!! 

WATCH:

Tis all 4 now, Ciao!

A Black nail-polish day.

                                          (Unfinished Reflection)

When the mood is somber, but not Blue.

SPORADIC NEWS:

I had the most amazing dinner tonight...at Bob Evans; it was cinnamon creme pancakes? Something like that...IDFK but it was HUGE and delicious...and you're damn right I ate it all.

I have a sore throat.

My car is still dead because the jumper cables were forgotten.

Ooh I fixed my phone charger! Woo! (Pretty excited about that one)

Today my sister would have been celebrating her 24th birthday. I always thought it was so neat we were the same age for a little while, but not twins. RIP "baby" sis. (It will be a year since I've been missing you in just a few short days.) There are so many good things to say about Ceda, you can't help but be in good spirits when thinking of her.

Today is also the birthday of my favorite Krista! We celebrated this weekend by driving through the snow Saturday night to Fur nightclub in DC. Lots of Patron, a spray in the face to the asshole bartender, a walk through the mens bathroom to chill in the DJ booth and scream obscenity's on the live HOT 99.5 broadcast, and lots of amazing drunk girls for entertainment. Oh, and a ton of dancing. A ride in a cop car, followed by an impromptu check-in at way-too-expensive hotel, que more dancing and jumping on the bed....but no continental breakfast, and even less sleep (meaning none.) The suddenly realization that it was 8:15 in the morning meant stopping in Virginia to say goodbye to Krista and the lil trip back up to Baltimore. I then returned to my regularly scheduled life.

And now I'm hungry.

Uuuuuuhhhhhhmmmmmm.... PEACE.

Catchin it up

Lets see...what has happened since the last post??

Another picturtastic one...

I did some more decorating.

Made cookies with Tre Bay Bay.

Took a bath and thought the bubbles looked like a guitar.

Dropped the wee ones off.

Got ready to go out.

Celebrated my boy Brians last party as a civilian

More drivin...

Got the kiddos

Drove to Wal Mart

FIN.